Sunday, June 14, 2009

Six Flags: Bankruptcy Edition

Zero Hedge would like to share with readers the latest and greatest from Six Flags, whose bankruptcy seems to have had no impact on corporate-blogger relations:
Hey Tyler ,

I hope this email finds you well…it’s xxxx again with the latest update :)

We know that you and many of your readers have been seeing the news reports about Six Flags' bankruptcy filing earlier this weekend. We can assure you that this is a corporate issue, and it does not affect the day-to-day operations of the parks. Our parks are open this weekend, and will continue to be open with more new rides and attractions and longer hours all summer.

I'd like to share with you a letter from Six Flags CEO Mark Shapiro that he sent to park employees earlier today:

For more insight, I want to invite you to join Mr. Shapiro for his first blogger conference call this Monday, where he will give more information on the parks and take your questions about the great future we have planned for the months and years ahead.

Following record performance in 2008, which completed the three-year turnaround of our system-wide park operation, our restructuring deal to clean up the balance sheet paves the way for a full revival of the company and we want to ensure you, and your readers, have an opportunity to hear about our plans for the future directly from Mr. Shapiro.

The conference call is scheduled for this Monday, June 15, 2009 at 3:30 pm EST. Please let us know via email response if you would like to join us for the call and we will send you the conference call details directly.

We hope that you find this information useful and look forward to hearing from you later this week.

All the best,

Zero Hedge will be first in line (hopefully waiting less than the requisite hour for comparable proverbial "rides") for Mr. Shapiro's call as he further clarifies the amusement park's shift in strategy which presumably includes a thing called profitability, especially now that the nasty carryover of the old management regime (which for better or worse has been gone ever since Dan Snyder won the proxy battle some time in 2006 so almost 3 years ago) will be forever eliminated along with all that debt.

In other news, Zero Hedge also would like to share Wmbanzai7's take on what promises to be a wild and vomit-inducing ride on Wall Street's rickety zero G wooden rollercoaster once the SPOO pre/postmarket/3:59pm bid disappears.


BANZAI7 NEWS--Six Flags, the big theme park operator, filed for bankruptcy in early Saturday morning in Delaware after failing to reach an agreement with lenders over a plan to reorganize its debt outside of court.

Six Flags's proposed a reorganization plan that includes exciting new attractions with timely financial services themes including:


HANK AND BEN'S SUBPRIME FRIGHT NIGHT COASTER will transform guests into seedy citizens of Wall Street, where they find themselves caught in the middle of a city under siege and torn apart by Alan Greenspan the fractional reserve Riddler and Milton Friedman, the cruel free market Joker. Venturing through demented hallways of twisted derivative trades, oblique policy turns and hallucinatory correlations, riders speed through six 180-degree DJIA hairpin's, climb unseen hills of toxic assets, plunge into pitch balance sheet darkness and dip into unforeseen "Black Swan" like outlier dangers.


Vikram Bandit's Big Spin — A Gerstlauer PR spinning coaster, "this unique public relations spinning coaster gives riders the opportunity to defy the laws of financial services gravity just like Vikram Bandit, the memo bloviating legend himself. With random and unpredictable verbal twists and techno-babbling spins at each market dip and turn, this CITI bailout sponsored coaster offers a unique ride experience for all stakeholders every time."


"BLANKFEIN'S Wiggle Out World is designed to leverage and wiggle Goldman Sach's out of a hair raising squeeze using its world-wide recognition and status among financial regulators and policy makers ages 2-6, featuring rides, shows and attractions the entire United States Financial Services regulatory family can enjoy. The new area will include specially themed Goldman Wiggle out rides, including Hank Paulsens's Big Bailout Car and Steve Friedman's Big Red Escape Plane rides, as well as a new Timmy G Toxic Turd retail location and a Larry Sommers Yummy Dummy Investor Cafe. In addition, The Goldman Wiggles are scheduled to appear at the park on a to-be-announced date in 2009. The Great Wall Street Escape also will debut a thrilling new waterslide, Wild AIG Wedgie, in its Subprime Derivative Splashwater Kingdom water park."


Maestro's Ultimate Inverted Yield Curve Coaster — "Adding a powerful new dimension of twisted monetary thrill's to an already irrationally exuberant coaster line-up, Maestro IYC will feature a unique radiating blue steel track and high-speed yellow and blue trains that suspend riders from short and long term coaster tracks. Once aboard the suspended 28-passenger interest rate trains, the bottom drops out from beneath the riders and they soar out of the real estate asset bubble station four abreast to experience spine-tingling gravitational market forces and the sensation of racing totally unregulated at 80 mph with nothing beneath their 401k feet but cloudy sky."


Glow in the Dark Toxic Asset Parade at Six Flags Great Subprime Adventure "Six Flags is taking the asset backed security parade concept to new subprime levels as bull market drummers, shyster bankers, political puppeteers, psychotic quants, crooked mortgage brokers, unscrupulous real estate brokers, and kinetic regulatory stilt walkers bring the park streets to life with an unparalleled nighttime financial fantasyland of interest only mortgages, riskless securities, pay option loans, no document loans, VAR fantasy lights and bear trade commotion. Glow in the Park Toxic Asset Parade features the latest quantitative finance technology, state-of-the-art collateralized debt floats and special credit enhancement effects with thousands of sparkling rating agency lights adorning every element of this uniquely themed toxic asset parade."


Bernie the Ponzi Engineer — This attraction entertains sophisticatedly naive investors of all ages, offering wealthy retiree's, brainless asset managers and SEC enforcement attorneys a ponziesque train ride through Bernie's mythical trading room on the French Riviera Island of Absolute Returns, Bernie-themed play areas, and appearances by Clown Commissioner Christopher Cox, Controller of the SEC's ponzi sanctioned Railway, who will pose for photos and greet visiting investors. A Bernie & Friends store located within the areas will feature an assortment of pre-owned Palm Beach merchandise.


Dick Fuld's Room Full of Smoke & Mirrors takes the financial smoke and mirror funhouse concept to the absolute last minute. Packed full of opaque accounting tricks, toxic asset hazards, valuation illusions, securitisation fakirs, shifty Korean and Arab investors, short selling bogeymen chasing bikini clad CFO's and a Mega subprime CDS ticking time bomb, Dick Fuld's Room Full of Mirror's will leave spectators young and old totally unbailed.


Perhaps the scariest attraction ever created, Hank Greenberg's House of AIG horrors will not be beat. Packed full of all manner of subprime ghouls, vampire toxic asset salesmen, financial skeletons, CEO ghosts, litigous zombies, blood thirsty regulators and Goldman Sachs derivative traders, Hank will make sure your NAV will never see the light of bailout day. Sandy Weil says: "I thought I had the systemic house of horrors racket cornered, but Hank Greenberg beat me to the bailout punch."
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