Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The Matriarch Of Patriarch

Peroxide blonde and self-proclaimed "rock star" PE queen Lynn Tilton, the name of whose Patriarch Partners can only be attributed to missing M buttons on the keyboard at time of incorporation, is wheeling and dealing, even as most of her competitors are trying to figure out how to present their worthless equity in 10x leveraged soon-to-be defaults into positive returns for their LPs. Her strategy: buy stuff that nobody wants, wave a magic wand, and bring it to life.

Tilton, best known for her investments in "boys' toys" companies such as MD helicopters, which she puts to good use cutting down substantially on her commuting time from Rumsen, NJ to NY, has long had a reputation as a distressed scavenger, most recently with companies such as American LaFrance and Net Versant.

However, Patriarch was recently derailed in its stalking horse bid to purchase long-suffering Polaroid in 363 auction. The propsed purchase price of $53 million was overbid in the last minute by the liquidator wrecking crew duo of Hilco and Gordon Brothers. As the only other interested party in the auction aside from Patriarch were liquidators, it is curious what the buxom blonde has in mind for Polaroid as a going concern, aside from taking many more pictures of herself like the one inset of course.

What is notable is that with the traditional PE model closed (18x leverage on CCU-like LBO deals may have some trouble coming back any time soon), PE staffers are forced to become distressed specialists and get familiar with the provisions of 363 auctions under bankruptcy law, meaning many late hours in the office, as IRR calculations become much more difficult to be goalseeked, compliments of 100% equity contributions (and of course, particularly if you work for Ms. Tilton, good luck if you hope on supplanting the long, boring hours in the office with something a little fun on the side). As everyone knows the only draws of PE relative to IB are having your own office, and a 5 pm departure time - take away one of the two and the PE industry will be next in line for bail outs. Sphere: Related Content
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Anonymous said...


Yummy story. Thx.

Anonymous said...

"I thought she was a stripper," said Costa, a helicopter pilot from Tulare, Calif., before he found out that the woman was Lynn Tilton, owner of one of the nation's largest helicopter makers.

Strippers can trade! Bjays for USD's.

Canucklehead said...

Is anyone working on a post that would highlight simple Net Present Value assumptions that could model the values of the PPIP purchases?

As Sheila Bair's accountants "signed off" on the concept that the FDIC would not require any taxpayer funding for the PPIP, they must have looked at the viability of the future cashflows and done some type of NPV.

It would be interesting to see what interest rate assumptions and timelines they used. I think the speculator/taxpayer would have a good chuckle (or other emotional outburst) as those assumptions become public and open for scrutiny.

Can Tim the Tax Cheat and Bendover Ben deliver on those interest rate/timeline assumptions?

Anonymous said...

wow, she's pretty hot!


poolparty said...

no, this is the best possible picture ever taken of her. woof.

Anonymous said...

Ah, to know Lynn is to be amused by her. What a trip that woman is. She has only gotten brassier over the years. Smart girl, but delusional about her looks. She wears skirts up to her crotch yet she doesn't have great legs. She has chronically damaged hair with what looks like really bad extensions. From years of first hand knowledge, she always shows cleavage and she makes sure it's in your face if you're doing business with her. How do you think she got to be such legendary distressed debt salesperson with the many firms she was with on the street?

In a recent appearance on CNBC's Squawk Box, she looked like a bad version of Mae West. (Mae aged more gracefully).

And yes, that's about the best picture you'll see of Mistress Lynn, other than the super air brushed pictures she used to treat her accounts to in her Christmas cards. (I'm looking at one right now, and laughing. I had forgotten that I still had the collection)

Anonymous said...

I understand that the lady is mean as a snake. I understand that American LaFrance and the millions it is losing has really put stress on her empire? Anyone heard anything about it?

Anonymous said...

This shrew is running MD Helicopters into the ground. She boasts to everyone about how they will deliver 70 aircraaft this year, however, as of June 2nd 2009 they've delivered 6. Hmmmm.... does the math add up to you?

She just fired yet another Chief Operations Officer, hasn't paid any vendors in months, can't get parts, can't build aircraft, and is a complete disaster at running an aerospace company.

Pray to God she sells the company to someone who knows aerospace, otherwise this company will be out of business any day.