Wednesday, February 18, 2009

$60 Million For Lifetime Romps At The Playboy Mansion

For any still employed bankers, who aren't currently experiencing margin calls from their employer, and who plan on making a solid 20% on the bonanza that TBT will unlikely generate by the end of the year, here is the deal of a lifetime. For a paltry $60 million, you can buy Playboy Enterprises, which in a conference call today announced it is willing to sell itself for the right price... or the wrong price... or any price. With the stock currently trading at $1.60, the company's $60 million market cap might seem like a bargain when considering the fringe benefits. (of course you need to assume $90 million of net debt but with the HY market on fire this should be easily refinanceable. Just hire Jefferies to do it)

According to Playboy's latest 10-K, Playboy Enterprises is the legal owner of the Playboy Mansion, and Heff is just a lessor, paying rent to the Company. So for $60 million you get lifetime access to the legend, the brand, the grotto... and some softcore magazines and TV stations to boot. As any self-respecting 30 year old hedge funder should easily be able to afford the $60 mill, they would be stupid not to do it. After all, on any one given night out in NY, the same person would spend at least $1,000 for limos, bottle service, tipping bouncers, assorted stimulants, escorts, etc. Of course this should happen no less than 2-3 times a week as otherwise your co-workers would think much less of you, implying a bill of $10k a month, or $120k a year. Multiply this by the 30-50 additional years (granted this number may be much lower) of life expectancy, and the same guy ends up spending over $5 million, or $20 million inflation adjusted. For a mere $40 million more you are guaranteed an appreciating asset, no amortization, amazing parties all night every night, the occasional Entourage episode shooting, Scott Baio as a lifetime friend, and being the coolest human being in the entire hedge fund world bar none. No price can be put on the latter. Sphere: Related Content
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ChristyACB said...

Maybe some nice charity can buy it and set up an elementary school in there so some of Heff's girlfriends can finally, finally learn to read.

::snarky laughter::