Zero Hedge

Well the 2008 hsbc numbers are out. In a year that one would be shocked there were any winners at all (except for Paulson of course... Paulson could make money on Pluto, blind, limbs chopped off, without oxygen, a bloomberg terminal or his copy of Dow 100,000: Fact or Fiction), here are the funds that will shortly need to raise all gates once investors realize these are likely the only places where money can still be redeemed:

Name 2008 Return %
1. Mulvaney Global Markets Fund 98.28
2. Tulip Trend Fund 62.05
3. Conquest Macro Fund 46.51
4. Clive Fund 43.71
5. Bluetrend Fund 43.37
6. JWH Global Strat 39.30
7. Paulson Advantage Plus 37.58
8. Tudor Tensor Fund Ltd 35.40
9. Ursa Offshore Ltd 35.10
10. Man AHL Diversified 33.23
11. Capital Fund Ltd 32.44
12. Graham GIF II K4 Portfolio 31.30
13. Horseman Global Fund 31.19
14. Comac Global Macro 30.77
15. Artridis Barracuda Fund 26.85
16. Element Capital Fund 26.45
17. Aspect Diversified Fund 25.40
18. Graham GIF II Prop Matrix 25.16
19. Peak Partners Offshore 24.45
20. Paulson Advantage Ltd. 24.03

Not many household names except for the notably insanely cool sounding Artridis Barracuda. If that is not a name worthy of a first-born, I have no idea what is.

And now here are the losers... Many funds probably decided to issue a cease and desist order from publishing their performance at some point after August (here's looking at you Jeff Gandell) as they are strangely missing from the list and very glad you can be down at most 100%. But here it is for what it's worth (not a whole lot).

Name 2008 Return %
1. 788 China Fund -94.62
2. Greater Europe Fund -84.90
3. Kaltchuga Fund - Russia Eq Sub Fund -78.85
4. MC Russian Market Fund -77.52
5. Russian Prosperity Fund (Ed. HAHA) -76.68
6. Gradient Europe Fund -75.54
7. PF (Lux) - Eastern Europe -73.97
8. Turnberry Capital Intl -72.78
9. RAB Special Situation Fd Ltd -69.14
10. Kinetics Fund -69.11
11. Tosca Fund Limited -67.54
12. Firebird New Russia Fund -67.17
13. Vontobel Eastern European -65.33
14. Firebird Republic Fund -62.54
15. RAB Energy Class -59.55
16. Senvest Partners Ltd. -59.43
17. Quattro Offshore Fund -58.45
18. III Fund Ltd -53.70
19. Templeton EM Fund Ltd -52.82
20. PM Capital Absolute Performance -51.64

Not much can be gleaned from this list aside from the ironclad conclusion that if you ever trust your money with any sneaky fucking Russian (Putin, V.I. Ulyanov, Boris the Blade "as bent as the Soviet sickle, as hard as the hammer the crosses it"), you will inevitably be collecting the perishables out of the dumpster in front of 133 East 64th Street, looking for Bernie's huggies to sell on Ebay.

Aside from the bloodbath above, some other notable capitalist virtuosos include the following:

Name 2008 Return %
Traxis -31.41
Moore Global -4.34
Tudor BVI Global -4.86
Drawbridge Global (Fortress) -22.13
Caxton Global 12.93
Brevan Howard 21.03
Greenlight Capital -16.46
Omega Overseas Partners (Papa) -36.19
Cobalt Offshore (Junior) -6.08
Atlas Global Investment (Balyasny) 1.72
Steel Partners -39.00
Viking Global -1.05
Maverick Fund- Class A/1 -26.22
Horseman Global 31.19
Palomino (Tepper) -29.61
Satellite Credit Opps -39.51
Satellite Overseas -41.80
Third Point -32.18
York Investment -26.40
Perry International -24.04
Marathon Special Opps -28.99
Harbinger -22.70
Davidson Kempner -8.43
Sandell Castlerig -31.63
Brahman Offshore -12.11
Canyon -29.51
Cerberus -13.22
SVR -18.38
QVT -34.05
Millennium Partners -3.34
Basso -24.86

So Yeah, Wow.... And all you newly unemployed analysts who are going on interviews with any of the guys above with hopes they are going to actually hire you instead of just stealing all your best ideas (it wasnt called a Hedge Fund Hotel during the "good years" for nothing), and likely liquidate in 6-12 months, you have my deepest sympathies. Sphere: Related Content

Bookmark this post with: